I am so afraid of change.
One would think that after 52 years of proof that change has most always been for my betterment, that I would not be scared to death when I sense it's inevitability. But, that is how I am as I begin to write my first blog post ever.
I have wanted to do this for a long time now and have gotten off to my usual late start. I have thrown down almost every impediment I could think of in order to delay it's beginning even though it is something that would benefit me greatly.
I have fear that my thoughts and writing will not be good enough for anyone else to be interested in reading them. I have doubt that I will have the discipline to keep up with a commitment that will require a continued ritual of organizing the scattered ideas and observations in my head and getting them out and down on a page in a manner that makes sense and is worthy of attention.
I write these words because I hope to be honest in this space. Let me declare right off the bat, I am a liar and I tell the truth. Mostly I tell it like it is, but I am prone to southern exaggeration. For instance: If I say that I got my ass kicked by a dude that was six foot five and weighed three hundred pounds, I got my ass kicked for sure but the monster may have been five foot five and weighed one hundred fifty pounds soaking wet. Don't blame me for this liberty, I was raised up in the codependent South and I have an overwhelming desire to fit in and to be liked by everyone. The better the story, the better the chances are that this will happen for me. Well, at least that's what momma always said when she would light another cigarette.
When my story has not worked out the way I so intricately planned, I have typically fallen to pieces and damn near ceased to exist. Such is the way of a dreamer and perfectionist. Some might say the way of a dead beat and intolerable ass, but I prefer dreamer and perfectionist. However, when I look back across the arch of my life, the story has always worked out far better than I planned. The result of what was meant to be has always been sweeter than MeMa's iced tea.
I do not know the outcome of this attempt to communicate with the world in this new and wonderful way, new to me anyway. I am, after all, a child of the analog world and need my daughter's help to update my phone and show me how to link my social media pages. Fear and doubt be damned, I believe I am ready to do the work regardless. If this blog thing is six foot five or five foot five remains to be seen.
Really, I just want you to look at my photographs and enjoy them, deep down enjoy them. Keep coming back and looking again, enjoy them! Well......................at least double tap them on Instagram so that I will see your heart and feel like I fit in with the new digital generation. Remember, I have an overwhelming desire to be liked by everyone.